Dear Diary,

March 14, 1994: Today I got my hair cut shoulder length. The barber was Jane, she was nice. Oh, I also got this diary today.

Yesterday while cleaning out the attic I found my very first diary. For the majority of the entries I was in the fifth grade at a brand new school and, including pre-school, it was the fifth school I attended. I guess you could technically say it's the sixth, but my mom's venture into homeschooling me the first half of second grade probably doesn't count. I was a bit, um, strong-willed and stubborn (shocking, I know). My poor mother!

As I held the small book with the padded cover, I felt just like I was 10 years old again. I pushed open the clasp and my initial thought was, "wow, I'm glad it's unlocked". It's funny that after so many years, a girl's first instinct is to have her diary under lock and key, and maybe even a mattress! My sister learned that the hard way.

May 24, 1997: I just read my sister's diary. It's stupid. There's nothing about guys in it. 

My favorite part of the diary was my entries about my first 'boyfriend', Josh.  We were in sixth grade. He 'asked me out' at a skating party and it lasted almost two months! What a relationship! I found out later that his mom was so upset he had a 'girlfriend' that she asked the school to ban couples skates at those skating parties, and they did. So I'd like to make a public apology to all the girls who came after me who just wanted to skate to one song holding hands with their crush! :)

October 24, 1996: We just had our skating party. Josh asked me out and my friend said, "Yes she will" because I couldn't talk. It was 7:40. Then we skated to "Place in this World" by Michael W. Smith. I wanted the night to last forever.

The details of our 'relationship' were fun to read, but the best part of my entire diary (looking back of course) was the break up!

December 2, 1996: Today was a bad day. Josh gave me a letter that said: 

To Kayla, Let's just be Friends Causes when we started going out we could never talk to each other. OK? In Christ, Josh

That was at 1:15. I felt better the rest of the day. I agree with the letter, but he put "causes" when it's supposed to be "cause".  

Even in my disappointment of being dumped, I was editing for grammar and spelling! I was obviously born to be an English teacher. Other aspects of who I am have also endured. As I was reading diary entries to Mark, he would say something like, "it sounds so much like you, you haven't changed a bit".

1. I was always a saver:

May 29, 1994: I need $100 for a bike. The bike I want is at Target. It's a 10-speed. I have $4.03 now and mom owes me $28. I'll tell you if I get it. 

July 17, 1994: I'm so close to $100. I have $71.90. I'll have it before school starts.

FYI: My dad told me I had to wait until I was 10 to buy a 10-speed, so I ended up getting one for my birthday and hid my money away.

2. My mom's work ethic was passed on to me- it's in my DNA.

December 1, 1996: I am still sick and this is the week of all the programs I have to sing in. I messed up BAD in practice today so I have to spend the rest of the night working on my song. I have to be ready. 

In case you're wondering: December 6, 1996: The Christmas Program was Awesome!

3. I always tried to put on a strong front even if I really felt otherwise:

August 15, 1995: Tomorrow I'm getting two cavities filled. I'm kinda scared. Shh...don't tell anyone.

4. I bleed Red...always have, always will:

November 16, 1996: Today I got new boots and red and white fingernail polish because today is the Huskers vs. Iowa State game!

November 29, 1996: Nebraska 17 to Colorado 12 

(This was obviously important enough to include in my diary! I actually still have the ticket stub from my favorite trip to Memorial Stadium- November 1, 1997- Nebraska vs. Oklahoma. Coach Tom Osborne's 250th win!)

My personality, work ethic, and favorite things are the same. Luckily, at least one thing has changed.

I've only included a small portion of the 'fun' parts of my diary. A girl has to keep some things to herself. But, as I've been processing all that I wrote, I see how small and simple the word love was to my fifth and sixth grade understanding. I used that word so many times in my diary, mostly for the superficial butterflies you get as a pre-teen girl with a crush. I see how shallow my understanding was and it makes me thankful for all that I know now.  Now I can say things like, I love my God...I love my husband...I love my family and friends...I love my students and the ministry I get to be part of... It's nice to be on the outside of adolescence looking back in again.

But love, I've come to understand, is more than three words mumbled before bedtime. Love is sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other every day.
- Nicholas Sparks

Good night diary, 

Kayla